Tiger pictured leaving the sex addiction clinic yesterday
FLORIDA – USA – The serial philanderer and boinking golfing ace, Tiger Woods has been finally cured of his so-called sex addictions, one of his spokesmen claimed last night.
The doctor in charge of the treatment for Woods said that he had been cured after many weeks of trying different therapies: “We tried the kick in the groin treatment where Tiger would be kicked repeatedly in the balls by a woman wearing some serious stilletos. This treatment actually had a detrimental effect, instead of deterring Tiger it actually turned him on. We then tried the nude photographs of British ex-prime minister, Margaret Thatcher, Maggie had some effect on him but it was minimal. We even brought up a vomit inducing picture of Barbara Bush naked causing some of the attendants to curl up on the floor in foetal positions yelling for clemency, but still, no show. What kind of a person would still find Barbara Bush remotely sexy?”
The doctor’s team finally hit upon an idea that is used in some prisons to treat sex offenders.
“We gave him a chemical castration. At first we thought we could do the two bricks smashed together trick but that might get too goddamn messy. Tiger’s cured now folks, we show him pictures of Playboy bunnies, parade some lovely ladies in front of him — not even a twitch I tell you. He’s even growing tits now and has a high pitched voice. We’re sending him home to Elin looking and sounding like a Thai ladyboy with a golf swing that can smash any tournament for six.”
Mr Woods was said to be very happy about the procedure and celebrated by buying a pair of new fishnet stockings to wear at the next PGA Golf tour.