Clarkson Sentenced to Death by BBC Firing Squad

Top Gear presenter Clarkson will be executed at 9.30 am Monday on BBC 2. Highlights on BBC 5 at 9 pm.

LONDON - England - Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson has been sentenced to death by a BBC sponsored vote and will be executed first thing on Monday morning.

"He's a gonner, poor bastard, we'll grant him his last wish, then it will be farewell to the car worshipping loud mouth git," Director general of the BBC, Ogilvie Hyams, announced.

Mr Clarkson, will be led out into the famous courtyard of the BBC building in White City, where a group of old grannies and simpering, easily offended poncey Radio Times readers, as well as striking public sector workers will get out some pea shooters and shoot Mr Clarkson.

The shooting gallery will be flanked by hundreds of angry striking overpaid public sector union bosses, who will jeer at Mr Clarkson and wave wads of taxpayer's cash at him.

"It should be an all together interesting televisual feast, and I am sure our viewers will love the spectacle of Mr Clarkson being humiliated by a bunch of overpaid, useless, public sector cunts," an overpaid, useless, BBC sub-sub-manager of paperclips and staplers, said from his luxury taxpayer funded Notting Hill flat.