Catholic Church Recruiting Once Again

“We’re losing many of our high ranking priests because they get caught. This is a tragedy for the Catholic church,” a distraught Catholic said yesterday from a church. With the sudden departure of Pope Benedict XVI and now the highest ranking priest in Britain, things are strained at the moment.

Desperate times need desperate measures and now Catholic priests are going on a recruitment drive to beef up the numbers once again.

Paedophiles, Lib Dems, seasoned buggery merchants and rapists have been a part of the Catholic church for centuries, but now times are changing and it’s dangerous for the regulars who have enjoyed their free reign for so long.

“These days people have the internet to research stuff and lawyers take on cases on a no win no fee basis. You’ve also got things like human rights issues and people actually report stuff. It’s not like the good old days when a priest would take choir boys behind the vestry in the name of Jesus and that would be enough to put the fear of God in them to keep their mouths shut afterwards,” an imprisoned paedophile Catholic priest, Lawrence McBugger from Glasgow Prison told the BBC.