Professor Angela Balls, has revealed the astounding revelations that Jesus had a wife and not only that she was a dab hand at the iron.
“Jesus liked to have a nice shiny white robe every morning. Do you think for one second he could have done that if he was a single man? Well, it was Mary’s job to have that thing starched and sharp. You can’t have a scruffy Son of God prancing around the temples and hills around Galilee, or what about when he was walking on water, he’s got to look tip top. It gets dirty and sandy out there, his robe must have been filthy after a hard days curing the blind and raising the dead. In the papyrus, Jesus was said to thank her for ironing his white cloak everyday and her services to him otherwise. It is a spectacular find and we are absolutely amazed that the find proves that Jesus was just a bloke like every other bloke. If he’d been around today, he’d watch the footy down the pub, come back home and expect his dinner to be on the table or there’d be trouble. Of course, I’d whack him round the bonce if he tried that with me.”
However, there has been some skepticism from right wing Christian evangelists in America to the new find.
“Jesus was the Son of God, he could cure lepers with a wave of his hand, I don’t think he needed a woman to iron his cloak. Besides, Jesus was hangin’ out with dinosaurs and the earth is only 5,000 years old. Bloot, bloot, gobba, gobba, tweerit..aaargh..malfunction..malfuuuncti..i..i.on..dzzz.dzz..dzzz,” Jim West, a professor and Baptist pastor in Tennessee said, before being stretchered away by paramedics.