EU Orders Britain to Pay Up For Euro Failure

BRUSSELS - Belgium - The British people will now have to work for over 345 days in the year to make any money for themselves, after it was revealed that the EU wants to tax Britain further than they are already doing.

“Ve haf vays of making you pay more tax you schweinhunds,” an EU official has told Britain’s chancellor, Osborne, yesterday at an impromptu EU finance meeting in Brussels.

EU budget commissioner Janusz Lewandowski, ordered the British chancellor to commit Britain to pay billions more tax to fund poor Eastern European countries like Greece, Romania, Slovakia and Lithuania who are wallowing in huge amounts of unsustainable debt.

Ripoff Britain

“Because Britain signed up to the EU charter it is obligated to bail out the profligate lazy countries of Europe that wallowed in EU subsidies for ten whole years and cooked the books to gain admission to the single currency. We’re not mentioning any names here, ahem, Greekies. Well, we’ve had ten years of indiscriminate spending, and somebody has to pay back that shit. Step up to the plate, Britain. You idiotic suckers just do everything that you are told to do without question, so we are telling you to pay the f*ck up. I see how every indignity is foisted on your pliant population of sheep, and they lap it up. Please sir, can I have some more, as your masters whip you into submission every day. So Englishers, eat up your cold porridge and your gruel, you owe us more money. Pay up like the good scum that you are,” Mr Lewandowski told the BBC after the meeting at the EU head quarters.

Britain already hands over £16 billion per annum to the EU super state and has been ordered to add to this sum substantially.

“It’s a win win situation for Britain. You get to pay for the poor people to come into your country from Eastern Europe so that they can take your resources, pollute your overcrowded cities, go on unadulturated crime sprees, and clog up your roads with untaxed, unregistered vehicles that are exempt from any British fines or laws. What more do you want?” the EU budget commissioner said whilst grinning like a well fed Cheshire cat.