“The days of fighting wars are over for Britain. Once we used to be a great seafaring military nation, today, we’re a laughing stock. I’ve heard that Taiwan’s navy has more ships and capability than ours, and even Madagascar has a bigger navy. From now on, our ships will be used as floating amusement parks, and maybe they’ll be able to recoup some of the trillions of debt the UK is now in,” Vice Admiral, Ronald Staines, wrote in the dossier which was then leaked to the Daily Mail.
Britain’s multi-million pound ships will have water slides, roller coasters and hundreds of rides to amuse all and sundry once the ships are open for business in 2011.
“This is an exciting time for the population. You just forget all your troubles, like not having a job and losing your home, family, savings, future. Just come to our aircraft carriers and play with the Harriers, maybe take a roller coaster ride, or just jump into the sea with your family. One way or another, you’ll soon forget about your miserable life in Britain,” the Vice Admiral revealed to the BBC on Tuesday after the leak.