“We are preparing the stretcher to take Gordon Brown away from Number10. He will have to be carried by five highly trained stretcher bearers who will load him into the ambulance and drive him away as discretely as possible. We understand that there may be some media interest at the time so we have decided to disguise the ambulance as an ice cream van,” Johnnie Willits, senior emergency coordinator for Westminster council told the Mirror.
After the unelected ex-prime minister is loaded into the ambulance, he will be taken to a secret location where he will be treated, if still alive.
Understandably, staff at Number10 have been keeping a low profile while the preparations are being made.
“We all know what’s being done for the grand Brown exit. When he comes into a room we just stay quiet and don’t say a word. There’s a feeling of death in Number10 at the moment, and it doesn’t matter how much spin his Magda Goebbels wife does for the media, even she can’t thwart the inevitable,” a Number10 staffer told the Squib.