Kyrgyzstan Car Scrappage Scheme Gets Off to Excellent Start

BISHKEK - Kyrgyzstan - Taking a leaf out Britain's New Labour car scrappage scheme that is said to have 'rescued' the UK's economy, the Kyrgyz government have decided to adopt the scheme themselves.

“We’re adopting the new scrappage scheme from Gordon Brown and that Mandelson chap. If it worked for the Brits, why not us? I say we roll the whole program out over all the other former Soviet countries. F*ck, there goes my Lada,” Jekshemesh Shitskin, a roadsweeper from the capital city told the state news service on Thursday.

Already, in the capital city alone, over 3,000 vehicles have been burnt and torched on the streets.

“This is a car scrappage scheme that rivals anything seen in Western countries. We mean business here – because we scrap the cars with the owners still inside. Also, when we scrap your car, it’s not like other countries where you get a new shining model, in our country we give you f*ck all for it. It’s great for the economy too, although, come to think of it, er, we don’t actually have an economy..oops!” Volotov Molotovo, a senior government official told the Kabar news agency.