17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 11, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldArmy Orders Helicopters to Deliver More Soldiers to Their Deaths

Army Orders Helicopters to Deliver More Soldiers to Their Deaths

KABUL - Afghanistan - The Ministry of Defense is demanding the government speed up the delivery of more helicopters so that more British troops can be flown to their deaths in Helmand Province.

Speaking from Bagram military base deep in Parwan province, General Sir Jock Strap told the BBC: “We need more helicopters so that we can transport more troops towards the killing fields. Once they get there it’s usually a quick process, either they’re blown up by a mine or IED; or gunned down in an ambush.”

British deaths in Afghanistan are currently being realised at a rate of 10 a day. When the delivery of troop transporting helicopters materialises, the death toll for British troops will rise even further. Some experts are even predicting 20 deaths per day.

Gordon Brown was adamant that there would be more helicopters delivered to the dangerous region soon so that the British soldiers can be butchered by the Taliban quicker.

“We are listening to the people on the ground and they say they need more helicopters in the unwinnable Afghan war. Well, we have obliged and are now borrowing some helicopters from the Kazakhstan army and this should speed up the casualty lists in this futile, pointless campaign,” the prime minister said from Chequers.

The deadly production line of British troops delivered to the Taliban will run smoother once the helicopters are put into service.

“We are winning the war of terror by dying in greater numbers daily. Our mission is to fly in the helicopters, get to a Taliban infested area (99% of Afghanistan) then get shot or blown up. It’s quite a simple mission and we are committed to the mission,” private John Smithers, 22, of the Irish Royal Guards Regiment told the BBC before he was killed the next day.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!