Angelina Jolie to Adopt Sierra Leone

FREETOWN - Sierra Leone - Preparations are underway for the biggest celebrity adoption of the century, when Angelina Jolie will adopt the whole nation of Sierra Leone.

The grandiose preparations were underway today for the most wondrous celebrity adoption of the century and maybe even all of time.

“We are honoured to be adopted by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and all of this week we have declared a cease fire of the indiscriminate shooting of civilians and looting for blood diamonds stopping effectively immediately. There will be a makeshift parade through Freetown when she visits to inspect the people she has adopted. Hopefully this adoption will calm her and Pitt’s ego down a bit, although I doubt it very much,” Minister of the Interior, Zainab Bungle Bora told Reuters.

The wonderful announcement was made yesterday through Jolie and Pitt’s PR company, UNICEF.

Celebrity adoptions have accelerated within the last few years with Jolie and Pitt leading the way, they have already acquired a brood of 23 orphans who all live in the humble environs of Beverly Hills and the Cote D’Azur.

Madonna was next in line, and adopted from Africa as well. Since then many celebrities have been clamoring to adopt something for the mantlepiece and the Hello magazine full page spread.

“Huge f*cking egos”

With the advent of celebrity adoptions there has also come a less welcome practice — like sending orphans back after the PR has died down. This is the sad face of the celebrity auction ‘returns’ circuit. Sometimes you don’t get what you paid for or you get bored and the easiest thing to do is to send the merchandise back and get a new one or your money back.

In August of this year Paris Hilton tried to adopt a boy from Zaire but was refused on the grounds that he would be traumatised for life if he were to stay in direct contact with such a brainless, useless waste of space like Hilton. A distraught Paris Hilton was seen buying up another Chihuahua the next day to ease her pain.

“Celebrity lifestyles are usually very intense with many parties to attend, film premieres and the jet set lifestyle we all dream about. After the agent has arranged for the adoption, some of the celebrities get bored and this is why we get returns. It’s like sending back a jumper you’ve worn for the last month back to M&S and getting a full refund,” says Jane Simpleton of the RKX PR company in London.

Let us hope there are no ‘returns’ this time with Jolie and Pitt’s massive adoption.

The price for the Sierra Leone adoption came in well within budget at a cool $15,000 but sadly excludes all the diamond mines which are still under the ownership of local gangster leaders and De Beers.

Sierra Leone, under the ownership of the Jolie and Pitt partnership, is however assured a long and prosperous future.