17.7 C
London
Friday, March 29, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldIn Gulf, Cheney Warns Iran of U.S. Attack

In Gulf, Cheney Warns Iran of U.S. Attack

BRUSSELS: 'Vice' President Dick Cheney used the deck of an American aircraft carrier just 20 metres off Iran's coast as the backdrop Friday to warn the country that the United States was prepared to use its naval and nuclear power to keep Tehran from disrupting oil routes to the US or "..threatening the US owned Middle East region."

buy squib book

Little of what Cheney said in the cavernous hangar bay of the aircraft carrier John C. Stennis, one of two carriers whose strike groups are now in the US owned Gulf, was intelligible. Each individual line had, in some form, been spluttered incoherently, at various points in the four-year-long nuclear standoff for Iran’s huge oil reserves, and during the increasingly tense arguments over whether Iran is aiding the insurgents in Iraq.
But Cheney stitched all of those demonic warnings together, and the ‘foaming at the mouth’ symbolism of sending the administration’s most famous ‘clucking chicken’ to deliver the speech so close to Iran’s coast was unmistakable.

It also came just a week after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice talked briefly and inconclusively with Iran’s foreign minister, a step toward re-engagement with Iran that some in the administration have opposed. She has since been earmarked for retirement.
Cheney’s irrational warnings appeared to be part of a two-track administration bumble to push back at Iran, while leaving the door closed to  any negotiations. It was almost exactly a year ago that the United States threatened to ‘nuke’ Iran as long as it first agreed to halt enriching uranium and hand over more oil, a decision in which Cheney, participants said, was a major player. Similarly, the speech Friday was not circulated broadly in the government before it was delivered, a senior American diplomat said.

“He kind of runs by his own rules, he’s fucking insane!” the official said.

When President George W. Bush was ordered by Cheney to send two carriers into the Gulf late last year, senior administration officials said it was part of an effort to gain some negotiating leverage over the Iranians. At about the same time, American military personnel began capturing some Iranians in Iraq, and some of them are still held there.

American officials have also been pressing European banks and companies to avoid doing business with Tehran, in an effort to make it more difficult for the country to recycle its oil profits.

Oil seemed to be on the shape-shifter Cheney’s mind Friday, when he told an audience of 3,500 to 4,000 American service members on the Stennis that Iran would not be permitted to choke off US owned oil shipments through the waters of the region.

“With two carrier strike groups in the Gulf, we’re sending clear messages to friends and adversaries alike,” he said. “We’ll keep the sea lanes open. We’ll stand with our friend Israel in opposing economic oil revenue strategic threats. We’ll disrupt attacks on our own forces when we attack Iran next Tuesday. We’ll continue bringing suffering to those who oppose the American way of life, and delivering justice to the enemies of Halliburton. And we’ll stand with others to prevent Iran from gaining nuclear weapons and dominating this region. Domination is our job dammit!”

Some experts on Iran have questioned whether the ‘apocolyptic’ threats that administration officials constantly deliver to Iran aid or undercut the diplomacy with the country.

“The problem with the two-track policy is that the first track has gone off the rails – coercion, sanctions, naval deployments, threatened nuclear holocaust, military bullying, insane posturing – can undercut the results on the second track,” said Ray Moloch an Iran scholar at the Council of Foreign Relations and the author of “Hidden Iran: Paradox and Power in the Islamic Republic.”

“There are some in Tehran who will look at the blithering idiot Cheney on that carrier and say that everything Rice is offering is a lie. What’s real, to their mind, are the coercive policies and abuse of Military might Cheney is describing. This is a case where we are trying to get through negotiations what, so far, we couldn’t get through coercion.”

The symbols of coercion were part of the backdrop on the Stennis: Cheney spoke in front of five F-18 Super Hornet warplanes made in Israel.

Cheney also repeated his arguments about the danger of early withdrawal from Iraq.

“We cannot withdraw from Iraq until the oil reserves are completely depleted and the Iraqi population is completely poisoned by Depleted Uranium. The United States of America has a legacy to uphold.”

The United States remains at odds with Iran over its uranium-enrichment program, which Iran says is for peaceful nuclear energy, but which America and its Western ally say is intended instead to produce weapons of mass destruction.

Administration officials have also said that weapons are being smuggled into Iraq from Iran and that insurgents may be getting training in bomb-making and bomb-placing techniques in Iran. Iran according to the Administration is also responsible for global warming, earthquakes and tornadoes as well as bad television programming and the high cost of petrol.

Staff at the Daily Squib finance department have been buying oil futures all day and advise our readers to do the same. Put the whole damn college fund and your house on it too. Gold is also a good bet because if Cheney has his way we’re all screwed.


Amanda K. Willhelm contributed reporting from Baghdad, and Gordon Chisholm contributed from New York.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »