17.7 C
London
Thursday, December 5, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSportsOnly Four Drivers Survive Bahrain Grand Prix

Only Four Drivers Survive Bahrain Grand Prix

BAHRAIN - Kingdom of Bahrain - Only four drivers survived the Bahrain leg of the grand prix today when the Bahrain government chose to purge the area from protestors and anything else that moved.

The four surviving drivers, Jenson Button, Jarno Trulli, Rubens Barrichello and Mark Webber – all limped across the finish line and took the chequered flag amongst the haze of burning tires, dead bodies and tear gas.

“I’m very happy to be alive. I was just coming through the first chicane when Schumacher took a tank shell head on splattering him all over the track like a watermelon. Then Barichello caught some shrapnel but I think he got through the burning wreckage. As for the safety car, well, it’s safe to say that it didn’t survive the first lap,” Jensen Button told Sky news.

The Pits were really the pits, as protesters hurled molotov cocktails at the racing crews, the Sauber-Ferrari team were all burned alive as Sergio Perez came in for his stop. He tried in vain to escape the flames but his fuel tank exploded showering the cheering crowds with body parts.

“You try to change the tires in these conditions,” Neil Santino, head technician for the HRT-Cosworth told the BBC from his hospital bed.

In the 13th minute of the race Trulli took some machine-gun fire in his diffuser and he lifted off the circuit at 210 mph landing head down in the gravel pit, luckily the stewards pulled him out before the Bahraini police squads descended on the area.

Hopes of a Ferrari win were wrecked on lap 17 when Felipe Massa was forced to stop after the whole front of his car was blown off by RPG fire resulting in Massa sadly losing both of his legs. He was airlifted to a hospital within an hour.

Despite that, it failed to detract from what team principal Stefano Domenicali described as “a truly awful and fucked up day”.

Formula One racing has now got the task of finding new drivers to replace the ones that were sadly lost during the Bahrain Grand Prix.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

  1. This is a satire site. Nothing on here is real except you being a stupid c@nt for taking it seriously.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!