17.7 C
London
Friday, July 12, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSci/TechSteve Jobs to Persuade God to Switch to Apple From Using Windows...

Steve Jobs to Persuade God to Switch to Apple From Using Windows 98

CUPERTINO - USA - Apple computer pioneer, Steve Jobs has been sent up to heaven to try and educate God and persuade the old codger to switch to the Apple operating system.

“We’re going to miss Steve down here, but we figured he needs to persuade God and his angels that the Windows system is not where it’s at. Right now Steve’s floating on an iCloud and telling God that OS X is so much more functional than a clunky outdated Microscratch product. Even though Steve was a Buddhist, God still made sure that he wanted the mac man, hell, he could’ve been Muslim and he still would’ve been accepted. We know that the Devil still uses Microsoft, but that’s because he has no scruples. The devil only knows what the devil knows and he never moves on. Apple is cool, silver, white and it has power,” an Apple spokesperson told Wired magazine.

It is with great sadness that the physical world has lost one its greatest pioneers, but our loss is heaven’s gain.

“Once God starts using macs, I think we will see his productivity increase tenfold. Much better processing power at the pearly gates, and we won’t get bad people slipping through trying to fool Saint Peter. We had the Michael Jackson guy trying to slip through the gates recently, luckily Saint Peter saw right through him and sent him down where he belongs. Close call though, for the sake of the children up here. Oh and another thing, there’s no Flash up here either, only lightning, but no Flash. That’s by order of Steve himself,” an angel on cloud 12 told the Afterlife Times.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!