Following news of a potential second wave of COVID-19 sweeping Europe, North Korea’s burgeoning holiday trade is set to take a hit as the state jumps on the lockdown bandwagon. Not one to be left behind by current trends, Pyongyang this week announced that it would be bringing in its own coronavirus restrictions to the North Korean communist country.
The news has, sadly, led to British holidaymakers having to cancel their North Korean holiday dreams for the summer. This will likely come as a blow to people like Gareth Onions, who had designs on touring the beautiful coastlines.
“I’ve got my regimented haircut ready and everything,” Gareth moans, barely looking reporters in the eye while playing PayPal casino games on his phone. “Where am I supposed to go now? Milton Keynes?”
COVID-19 Says Hello
North Korea announced the latest lockdown measures after everyone’s favourite virus popped in a couple of weeks ago. The state is blaming the event on a ‘runaway’ defector who had fled to the south.
“This is what happens when you defect,” said the country’s foreign office. “Let this be a lesson to anyone looking to holiday elsewhere.”
Our reporters have previously attempted to get to South Korea via Pyongyang’s road links. However, it was to no avail. “South of the border at this time of year?” A bemused cabbie asked us.
State of Emergency
A state of emergency is going to roll out indefinitely, though Kim Jong-Un hopes to get things reopened ASAP. Thousands of families will now have to wait for coronavirus to leave Pyongyang before they can get to the airbridge.
“I don’t think you can get Corrie out there anyway,” muses Ethel Punch, a retired telephone box lubricator. “Every cloud.”
The North Korean holiday trade has soared in recent years. This is thought to have occurred following sensitive diplomat Donald Trump’s maiden visit to the capital.
“It’s a great country, really great,” mused Trump. The famous poet is taking time out to focus on his hobbies, such as running America into the ground.
“The beaches, you should see them. They have them, over there. Ask anyone. The postcards are a little sharp on the fingers, but I write with my teeth, so it’s really no problem.”
When Will Pyongyang Holidays Return?
Kim Jong Un advises that the North Korean air bridge will reopen soon. A representative for the leader’s third successive decoy in a week was keen to encourage new visitors.
“Once we find a way to weaponize- I mean – eradicate the virus, we’ll be back open for business.”
North Korea’s embrace of international leisure is well-known. Their current line of 15 regimented buckets and spades sell out each winter without fail. However, visitors will simply have to sit tight.
Meghan Markle, 57, is particularly upset with the news of the closure. “Is this story about me?” she asked reporters, before closing the door on them.
Therefore, British holidaymakers will – sadly – have to continue enjoying the sights of Pyongyang’s twin resort, Skegness, until more news emerges.