Here are some tips on surviving your trip.
1) Pack a Geiger counter so you can find the least radioactive part of the beach. Anything 1400% above normal levels is considered dangerous.
2) Do not rip your radioactive protection suit or you could get radiation poisoning.
3) Before you go near the beach you must take your potassium iodide pills. You won’t be able to buy any there as the authorities have stockpiled the lot.
4) Whatever you do do not eat any food purchased near the radiation zone or within a 300 km radius. Best to bring a few sandwiches with you on the plane.
5) Beware of the glowing two headed Great White Sharks, they may look pretty but they bite.
6) Forget about Pamela Anderson, she’s in a bunker right now so if you take a tumble, there will be no rescuing.
7) Building radioactive sand castles on the beaches can be equally dangerous but if you’re wearing a protective suit it should be okay.
8) Remember that there will not be anything in the news about the radioactive beaches in the U.S. so you’ll have to trust your own instincts on this one and take our advice. Spare a thought for our dear American friends who are not being told what is happening. Enjoy your holiday.