If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, and you’re dreading starting another well-intentioned New Year weight loss programme that you know is doomed to failure almost before it’s started – don’t despair.
The good news is that medical research now appears to confirm that your weight gain may not be your fault at all, but a problem with you having internal organs. Even better, there is a new way – finally – to do something about those unwanted organs that once removed will lower your overall weight.
Respected U.S. nutritionist Hannah McTavish, spoke of the new program on the Oprah Winfrey show: “It’s real simple. You eat a lot of junk, you get fat. You’re lazy and sit in front of the computer all day surfing and eating. Well, with this diet you can carry on doing the same old things and still look like a million dollars. No exercise, no dieting, just straight weight loss.”
The simple operation that guarantees weight loss was first pioneered in China, where internal organs are taken out of recently executed mentally ill patients and sold to rich Americans. One of the doctors on the program noticed the dramatic weight loss on his subjects after removing their internal organs and sold the idea to the West.
“The doctors determine how much weight you need to lose, then they take out half of your internal organs so that you can still walk around and live. There’s no point in taking both of your lungs out because then you wouldn’t be able to breathe, so instead they take out one of your kidneys, maybe your spleen and a few yards of your intestinal tract. Weight loss is then dramatic and instantaneous,” Ms McTavish added.
The beauty of this slimming program is that many shortages in transplants can be solved purely because of the volume of people rushing to get slim again.
“I had the procedure done last week. They took out my left lung, a kidney, half of my liver and part of my rectum. I slimmed down quick enough to look fabulous just before my entrance into the Celebrity Big Brother house,” a barely alive minor celebrity told the Sun newspaper.