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HomeEntertainmentLabour War on Private Schools: "Hogwarts May be Forced to Close"

Labour War on Private Schools: “Hogwarts May be Forced to Close”

DIAGON ALLEY - England - The Labour Party muggle war on private schools could extend to Hogwarts and the magical world, say critics.

Comrade Starmer and his Marxist Labour Muggles are so intent on ruining private schools by taxing school fees, that the famous wizard school where Harry Potter and his chums attended could be forced to close as well, the Daily Prophet newspaper has revealed. The Labour war on private schools and Hogwarts is really heating up.

“This is Muggle persecution gone mad” screams one of the headlines from the Daily Prophet.

Many wizarding parents have also chimed in to the outrage by writing in their concerns.

Argus Mendacious a parent of two Hogwarts pupils, Jenny, 12, and Rodney, 14, went absolutely ballistic upon hearing the news from the Muggle Marxist shisters Labour and their useless war on private schools.

“Just because these Labour Muggles and squibs think it will bring in more money so they can spend it all on black hole socialist tin-pot money pit projects, they have no bloody idea what they are doing. Hogwarts is an institution that educates the next generation of wizards and is crucial to keeping the equilibrium between our magical world and the Muggle world. If Hogwarts goes, guess who wins? Yes, it will be Voldemort and the dastardly Malfoys.”

Indeed, this Muggle Labour mess plays right into the hands of Voldemort, who many suspect is behind all of this chicanery.

Gryffindor to the rescue

Nelson Huffapup, a recently graduated wizard from Gryffindor, chimed in with a solid plan to somehow avert certain destruction for the school of magic.

“I say we all concentrate on Comrade Starmer and blast him with Obliviate. If enough of us do it at the same time, he will be given a magical lobotomy, and he won’t even know his name or where he is. If any other Labour Party muggle tries anything, we do the same to them. Obliviate and then the banishing charm Depulso.”

Hogwarts’ illustrious history

The wonderful and very private magical school, Hogwarts was founded around the 9th century by Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff and Salazar Slytherin.

Hogwarts was established in the Highlands of Scotland to educate young wizards and witches, as well as to keep students safe from Muggle persecution.

Theory has it that Rowena Ravenclaw came up with the name of Hogwarts after dreaming of a warty hog that led her to a cliff by a lake. Since then, Hogwarts educated most wizarding children with residence in Great Britain and Ireland, keeping its location hidden from other wizarding schools and Muggles.

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