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Winehouse Record Company Execs to Make Huge Profits

LONDON - England - Island records executives were in jubilant spirits yesterday after hearing of Amy Winehouse's expected death.

“Our profit projections will exceed all expectations when we release Amy’s album next week. I just put out a purchase order for a new Aston Martin,” Herb Suge, chief A&R man at Island records told Billbored magazine.

It is well known within the music industry that artists’ untimely deaths are a huge opportunity to capitalise on their demise by increasing sales of albums and merchandise.

 “Back to Black” reached No. 2 on the Billboard 200 in March 2008, almost a year after it debuted, spending 78 total weeks on the chart. It has sold 2.3 million to-date, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Record executives think that they can shift millions more units after Winehouse’s death.

“It happened with Michael Jackson, he sold more albums in death than when he was alive. In fact, him living was a hindrance to record sales. Same thing with Winehouse, as a piece of software, she was troublesome whilst still alive. It is common knowledge that record companies actively encourage artists to ingest as much drugs and booze as possible. The more, the better, because it is great for sales, especially when these products finally get to their intended destination,” Earl Jenkem, CEO of Anus Records, distributor for Winehouse’s music in the US, said from his Hollywood mansion.

Robert Peston, a musicologist for Phonogram said: “People keep saying that Amy Winehouse was a genius or slightly talented. I beg to differ, you see, the people have been conditioned to accept mediocre sub-standard pap for so long that they got accustomed to it. The old adage comes to mind, feed people enough shit and that’s all they know. I would not call some dead cat wailing as genius. I call Django Reinhardt and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – genius. The word ‘genius’ is used too much these days, because people have lost the bar, as it is lowered lower and lower every year. This person will not be remembered in ten years time. Real geniuses are remembered for eternity. It was just crappy mediocre r&b trash sung by a little Jewish girl with a drug problem, nothing more, nothing less. So please, stop using the ‘genius’ adjectives to describe something it ain’t.”

The music biz is not known for its kindness to artists while alive, record companies make huge profits off their workhorses until they have had all of their life force spent, then the artist’s repertoire is the sole property of the record company, making for an even more lucrative eternal pay day for the companies and publishers.

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  1. Money always talks..sucessful artists make more money for their owners when their dead…for an eternity…they are money machines and this is the way it will always be..

  2. Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. "Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?" she asks. St. Peter replies, "No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot!"

  3. "Don't be such a lemming. She killed herself thru drugs and drink recording executive had nothing to do with it. Get ur facts right first before ur emotioal outburst idiot"

    I work in the music industry and know people who worked at island and on Amy Winehouse so I know exactly what goes on behind closed doors. I think YOU need to get your facts straight before making absurd suggestion.

  4. Next time you buy an Amy Winehouse product remember where the moneys going. If you want one of her songs download it for free on bit torrent don't give them one more penny of your money

  5. I must have heard something of Amy sometime, my radio station started playing non-classical music for the last year, if its not music I automatically tune it out but I can tell you all about her music just by reading the comments of her fans on this article. If they cannot distinguish between reporting and satire i doubt they can tell the difference between music and noise.

  6. We all know what killed her and no one is trying to deny that, the issue here is the lack of respect shown by execs who are only thinking of the money they will make – the woman has not even been buried yet. Imagine if this was your sister or mother – regardless of how she died or even if you think she deserved it, someone rubbing their hands in glee at the prospect of making money out of it is pretty crass whatever way you look at it.

  7. just goes to show how evil money and greed can be. scumbags the lot of them. you too!

  8. Actually this article is very accurate to how record company people act and think…I worked for a few in my time and I've been in a few boardrooms discussing recently deceased artistes. They are basically viewed as products, pieces of meat,tobe used and discarded if you don't believe me watch Simon Cowell. He's actually a nice one compared to some of the monsters I've worked with. Thankfully i'm outta the music line now and I feel hella lot better for it.

  9. Don't be such a lemming. She killed herself thru drugs and drink recording executive had nothing to do with it. Get ur facts right first before ur emotioal outburst idiot

  10. I want to strangle those record people Amy was a genious pure and simple this Robert Piston arse needs a kick in the bolls I hate ppl like you twat! Amy will be sorely missed by her fans I cant blieve I'll never hear a new song by her. I think the record industry is evil and killed her. R.I.P Amy we loved ya!

  11. I agree, what a hideous thing to say, the woman has just died in the most tragic way and all you execs can think of is the money you're going to make, what does that say about you? Sad, pathetic little men, with no discernible talent other than an ability to leach off people who actually contribute something to the world. It's people like you that make me ashamed to be part of the same race, you disgust me. And as for Preston, what planet are you on? Even if you don't agree that Winehouse was a genius, to class her in the same category as some mindless little pap star is grossly unfair and frankly shows how out sync with modern times you are. Perhaps if you got a real job – like what is a musicologist for gods sake?! – you might have something of value to say, until then I'd recommend you do us all a favour and refrain from sharing your 'wisdom' with the rest of the world, believe me we can get by without it.

  12. The music industry may be a cruel, dog-eat-dog business made up of PR stunts but to post this when her family are in mourning… have you no shame? And as for Robert Peston he needs to research the business before commenting on what a genius is. Clearly he doesn't realise how hard it is to break an artist in todays ecconomy

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