Palace Revises Prince Philip Royal Variety Words

LONDON - England - Buckingham Palace has been quick to act and dispel claims that Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh called Simon Scowell, Z-Factor creator and bane of all good music, a 'sponger'.

Scowell claimed that he was snubbed by the Queen and insulted by the Duke after
appearing at the Royal Variety Show.

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace denied that the Duke had called the
music and television promoter, who has amassed an estimated fortune of £112m
through shows like American Idol, The Z-Factor, and Britain’s Got Talent, a “sponger”.

“The Duke of Edinburgh categorically did not call Mr Scowell a ‘sponger’. He must have misheard. Everyone knows Mr Scowell is a ‘c*nt’. He has said that he called Scowell a ‘c*nt of the highest order’,” he said.

“Mr Scowell may have misheard the Duke, he has a very soft voice, especially when addressing scum.”

But Scowell’s version of events is supported by fellow Z-Factor judge and supreme c*nt of all time, Piers
Moron, who was also present during the exchange in 2007. In his new piffling book,
the former newspaper editor, and supreme shitbag, describes hearing the Duke jokingly call Scowell a “c*nt of the highest order and moribund banal exploiter of people with no talent for profit and ridicule”.

Moron said: “I can categorically say it happened. I know because I am a stupid c*nt of the highest order myself. If we all have to
trudge off to the courts to discuss the matter, I’m available, because as you all know already, I’m a snivelling little weasel and shister snitch.”

Yesterday, Simon Scowell and Piers Moron, who were attending another Z-Factor audition, accepted that they may have misunderstood the Duke’s words and were very apologetic.

“I am extremely sorry for making a big stink about the Duke of Edinburgh’s words. I agree with what he called me and am even considering getting a big ‘c*unt’ tattoo on my forehead, although, whenever people see me that is what they think anyway. I would like it to be official,” Mr Scowell said from the Z-Factor studios.

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