17.7 C
London
Wednesday, October 9, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessBenefits Street Residents Now All Employed in High Flying Jobs by Alan...

Benefits Street Residents Now All Employed in High Flying Jobs by Alan Sugar

BIRMINGHAM - England - Benefits Street residents who were all previously permanently unemployed have all suddenly been given high flying executive positions courtesy of Alan Sugar.

 

The Apprentice entrepreneur Alan Sugar was so touched by the resourceful nature of the previous dregs of society that he personally visited James Turner street last week.

“You’re hired! You will now be the Financial Director of Amslop, my latest venture into ready made meals,” Sir Alan Sugar told Jimpo, 45, who is most used to rifling through bins.

Two weeks have passed since leaving Benefits Street and Jimpo is now making enormous strides already having reduced inefficiency and product waste in the company by 75%.

“Thank you Mr Sugar for your indomitable trust in our skills as innovative enterprising visionary components to your business. As you can see I have outlined a presentation inculcating our decisive elemental plans for the next five years. You will be pleased to hear that my cost analysis bar chart represents a three point attack plan for cost cutting efficiency adopting black sky thinking processes and profit enhancement ROI through aggressive marketing and cross-pollination of differential theoretical implementational executive temperance forms to maximise profit at a rate of 850% per annum,” Jimpo said from the multi-million pound company offices wearing a £15,000 bespoke Savile Row suit.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!