Benefits Street Residents Now All Employed in High Flying Jobs by Alan Sugar

BIRMINGHAM - England - Benefits Street residents who were all previously permanently unemployed have all suddenly been given high flying executive positions courtesy of Alan Sugar.


The Apprentice entrepreneur Alan Sugar was so touched by the resourceful nature of the previous dregs of society that he personally visited James Turner street last week.

“You’re hired! You will now be the Financial Director of Amslop, my latest venture into ready made meals,” Sir Alan Sugar told Jimpo, 45, who is most used to rifling through bins.

Two weeks have passed since leaving Benefits Street and Jimpo is now making enormous strides already having reduced inefficiency and product waste in the company by 75%.

“Thank you Mr Sugar for your indomitable trust in our skills as innovative enterprising visionary components to your business. As you can see I have outlined a presentation inculcating our decisive elemental plans for the next five years. You will be pleased to hear that my cost analysis bar chart represents a three point attack plan for cost cutting efficiency adopting black sky thinking processes and profit enhancement ROI through aggressive marketing and cross-pollination of differential theoretical implementational executive temperance forms to maximise profit at a rate of 850% per annum,” Jimpo said from the multi-million pound company offices wearing a £15,000 bespoke Savile Row suit.