Germany Bans Naked Shorts

BERLIN - Germany - The ban on speculative short-wearing on sunny days hit short-wearers across the board on Wednesday, with the summer clothes market plunging to a four-year low.

Germany said naked short sales, swimming trunks, and string vests on Germany’s streets will be prohibited from now through March 31, 2011.

“You will not wear naked shorts anymore, only trousers or ledehosen will be permitted. If you are on a nudist beach then you will be required to wear absolutely nothing, not even swimming trunks,” finance minister, Klaus von Horst told German state television news networks.

Naked shorts are seen as a major threat to Germans, especially when the people wearing the shorts have knobbly knees or their legs are too pale. Analysts were however sceptical that the move would be successful in taming the naked short wearing public.

“We know that there will be people wearing naked shorts, maybe in their homes or in secret locations. This is why we have established a new police force to go out there and find these people who are flouting the law by wearing shorts – especially anyone who wears those offensive Speedo swimming trunks,” Minister for Justice, Gerta Schlampe said on Wednesday.