17.7 C
London
Saturday, June 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessDon't Worry Folks - US Federal Reserve Printing More Money

Don’t Worry Folks – US Federal Reserve Printing More Money

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The US Federal Mint was today printing more money at all national printing presses to try and stem economic disaster.

The US economy may be faltering but there is an easy way to circumnavigate the precipitous fall of banks and brokers.

“We had a great idea yesterday. I was sitting in my office with my head between my knees thinking about the next banking disaster that had just erupted. Hell, it’s all fake anyway, the institutions are all built on fake money and none of it actually exists. Why not print up some more paper money? Debt does not exist and neither does money, we’ve been conjuring up this stuff for hundreds of years as the ultimate control system of populations. That’s why as Fed Chairman, all we got to do is print more cash and everything’s going to be alright,” Al Weinstein, the Federal Reserve’s Chairman, revealed to the Financial Times yesterday.

‘Greed is Good’

The knock on effect in the UK is directly correlated to what happens in the US. The economic system of wealth through debt is exactly the same, therefore when the banks are stopped from receiving debt money from their cash cow (the public) then they are in dire trouble.

“We’ve been printing huge amounts of dollar bills since last week in anticipation of what has happened to the 158-year-old investment bank, Lehman Brothers. We have even had to have more forests completely felled in Minnesota and Alaska to cope with the demand,” Earl Pupkin, Senior Operations Manager for the Fed’s Mint remarked on Monday.

The Daily Squib finance dept. writer, Roger Phucka, advised readers to short the key banking stocks in the US and UK last week and if you had taken his stellar advice you would now be sitting in a Roller on your way to a caviar factory smoking a fat f*cking cigar.

Alastair Darling and Gordon Brown, having messed up the British economy irreparably will resort to the ‘printing more money’ trick soon enough.

So, the moral of the story is folks — print up some more cash and everything’s going to be ‘A-OK’.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

  1. It all about the tax payers, if they pay all their bills as on time make the money more valuable.

  2. It’s up to the taxpayers to foot the bill for the Bankers and Cars CEOs highflying lifestyle… The taxpayers are the cattle…

    Roger K comment is very realistics.

    The rhetoric – the American Dream ?

    What about to include glorifications?

    Many are ignorants and fearful.

    7-01-2009

  3. It’s up to the taxpayers to foot the bill for the bankers highflying lifestyle..

    The taxpayers are the cattle..

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »