Don’t Worry Folks – US Federal Reserve Printing More Money

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The US Federal Mint was today printing more money at all national printing presses to try and stem economic disaster.

The US economy may be faltering but there is an easy way to circumnavigate the precipitous fall of banks and brokers.

“We had a great idea yesterday. I was sitting in my office with my head between my knees thinking about the next banking disaster that had just erupted. Hell, it’s all fake anyway, the institutions are all built on fake money and none of it actually exists. Why not print up some more paper money? Debt does not exist and neither does money, we’ve been conjuring up this stuff for hundreds of years as the ultimate control system of populations. That’s why as Fed Chairman, all we got to do is print more cash and everything’s going to be alright,” Al Weinstein, the Federal Reserve’s Chairman, revealed to the Financial Times yesterday.

‘Greed is Good’

The knock on effect in the UK is directly correlated to what happens in the US. The economic system of wealth through debt is exactly the same, therefore when the banks are stopped from receiving debt money from their cash cow (the public) then they are in dire trouble.

“We’ve been printing huge amounts of dollar bills since last week in anticipation of what has happened to the 158-year-old investment bank, Lehman Brothers. We have even had to have more forests completely felled in Minnesota and Alaska to cope with the demand,” Earl Pupkin, Senior Operations Manager for the Fed’s Mint remarked on Monday.

The Daily Squib finance dept. writer, Roger Phucka, advised readers to short the key banking stocks in the US and UK last week and if you had taken his stellar advice you would now be sitting in a Roller on your way to a caviar factory smoking a fat f*cking cigar.

Alastair Darling and Gordon Brown, having messed up the British economy irreparably will resort to the ‘printing more money’ trick soon enough.

So, the moral of the story is folks — print up some more cash and everything’s going to be ‘A-OK’.