LONDON – England – Anyone who has a GCSE on their CV will have to remove the useless qualification from their resumes as of tomorrow, government minister, Michael Gove has announced.
There will be no more newspaper pictures of teens jumping around in fields anymore after receiving their GCSE results, because their ‘qualifications’ do not mean a thing.
“This is a great relief to many because it shows the dumbing down of qualifications has created an altogether dumber youth who think they have qualifications when in reality they certainly do not. You can have all the A grades you want in your GCSEs, you might as well make it all up, because it never meant anything to anyone apart from yourself. You think you’re qualified? There has to be a new approach to education where children are taught something that has a purpose and qualification standard that actually tests people instead of giving them top marks for minimal work. The GCSEs doled out to kids like smarties meant absolutely nothing, and due to the nature of the course work, the majority of teachers would help students pass their courses and enable them to be another pass statistic within the failing education system,” a minister working on the new O level project told the BBC today.
The Liberal Democrats, led by Nick Clegg, have vowed to fight the new O level qualifications.
“We plan to fight this at every step. It is imperative that we have a dumbed down population who are unemployable and illiterate. The O level exams are too hard and people will have to actually work to get them. This will mean that there will be more obvious differences in intelligence, as opposed to GCSEs where the whole populace got A grades, now only a small amount of people would get A grades. That is just not fair,” Mr Clegg said, sobbing into a handkerchief during parliament, yesterday.