UK Think Tank: "Tanning Bed Use Should be Encouraged"

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HARLOW – England – The use of sun beds should be encouraged amongst the UK population says a top policy institute expert.

“We need to open up even more tanning salons across the UK so that people can benefit from these treatments,” Balthazar Smith, head of the think tank dedicated to the cause of encouraging better techniques in population processing told the Daily Squib.

The tanning salons which have been a staple of all British towns and cities are now a part of the country’s fabric.

To walk down any British High Street you would be at odds to see anyone who does not have a deep orange hue plastered all over their faces.

Tanning is so prevalent that many addicts are now permanently orange with little chance of ever regaining their original skin colour. The most prominent of all of celebrities to adopt the tanning machines is of course the leader of the orange pack, Katie Price, who has even installed tanning booths in all of the rooms in her Essex mansion.

“One must realise that the people who gravitate towards these tanning machines and salons are the ones who will benefit most from the effects of these machines. We therefore need more tanning salons to be built in all of Britain’s towns and cities to speed up the processing of these people. It is a very efficient and subtle way of treating them of their conditions and hastening their demise,” Mr Smith added.

Let us hope that more and more tanning salons are built across the UK, it is obvious that they are a much needed service and will help in purging some of the detritus from society.

  • Ben Casey

    The more chavs and lower class white trash that go to tanning salons and die of cancer the better it is for society in general. In fact, they should all be marched to the nearest tanning shops and given vouchers fro free treatment!!!