British ‘Falling Off Balcony Season’ Begins Early This Year

BENIDORM - Spain - The Brit Balcony Jumping season got off to a stonking start last night after a young British woman was in a critical condition in intensive care after suffering severe head injuries in a spectacular fall from her holiday apartment balcony.

The balcony flinging Brits are set to have another bumper year as they drunkenly throw themselves off their package holiday hotel balconies once again.

It’s a ritual for many Britons on their summer holidays. The locals look on in wonder as another Brit keels over a hotel balcony ledge and splatters on the concrete below. Some say it is a mating ritual, although the suppurating brains lining hotel swimming pool patios tell another story.

“They come here every year senor. Yes, I see them, they drink like fish then jump from balcony. Last year we had 34 in holiday season. This year they start early, I have bet with our head waiter Pedro. I say we go over 40 Brits jumping to their death,” Jose Gonzalez, one of the waiters at a Benidorm two star hotel told the Daily Squib.

A spokesperson for the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Tanya Kettering, confirmed the start of the British Balcony Flinging season had started particularly early this year.

“We are speaking to a number of tour operators and hotels about putting trampolines underneath balconies where British people are staying. At least this way, we might be able to alleviate the problem slightly,” Ms Kettering said.