Prime Minister's 19th Relaunch Goes Well

You get the government you deserve

LONDON – England – Unelected leader of the Labour party, Gordon Brown, has had another successful relaunch of his premiership, Number 10's spin doctors have revealed.

Everything is OK again and the birds are all chirping in the trees, all is peaceful in the land of Twitter as Sarah Brown Tweets away with as much gusto today as she did yesterday. Everything is now peachy in the lilly livered land of Labour; even the cowardly backbenchers are happy as they cry into their lukewarm pea soup bowls and dream about having some f*cking balls for a change.

Already, there have been press releases to the daily papers with news of the recession created by 12 years of waste and idiocy being lifted.

“After the PM’s recent re-branding effort, we decided to release some optimistic lies to placate the proles for awhile. It is a very simple technique which we have been utilising for many years and it entails releasing made-up statistics to cover up the reality of the situation. Everyone knows we’re fucked. Gordon’s policies of debt and more debt have bankrupted the UK for another 30 odd years,” a number 10 spin doctor revealed to the Daily Squib.

Another of Brown’s henchmen had this to say about the bully of Number 10: “The great unelected clunking fist will not be denied his power. We have been given orders to fight to the death, all traitors within the party will be purged until all that is left are the yellow sycophants, bottom crawlers and cronies who take big payments to be Brown’s friend. Gordon is even toying with the idea of fixing the electoral system to ensure he is never kicked out of office. We have orders to tell the people that snow is black, if we repeat it enough times then the people will finally believe that snow is indeed black, such is the power of our brainwashing techniques. We can make you believe that the countries economy is all rosy when all around us there are millions in unemployment, crumbling businesses, mass bankruptcies, poverty, sleaze, deflation, extortionate petrol prices, no mortgages, huge debt and violent crime mixed with unfettered immigration. It’s a credit to the dumbed down British public that they’re not rioting in the streets as we speak, such is their resolute obedience to our lies while we fleece them everyday for the rest of their miserable, subservient lives.”

With the price of petrol rising daily and the interest rates set to rise again soon, who is going to pay the mortgage then? Families and businesses who are already stretched to the limit financially will find that sitting back and pretending it will all go away does not work. Listen to more Labour lies, you will feel better comrades.

Here’s to another 10 years of Gordon Brown.