All Aboard the Paris Train

LOS ANGELES - USA - Paris Hilton is to open her own train company and rail network, so that everyone who hasn't already taken a ride can take one, Hilton's PR agency confirmed Tuesday.

“All aboard the Paris train!” shouts the conductor at LA’s Union station.

Paris Hilton is launching her own line in trains and carriages.

Paris Hilton’s STD Express trains don’t go to Paris, instead they are all set to go to Sacramento and back picking up as many passengers as possible along the way.

The entrepreneuress wants everyone to take a ride in her shabby well-used carriages: “I know everyone’s already taken a ride in my carriages but why not take another ride huh? The seats have a very large berth and can fit the biggest and tallest of commuters. Our loose carriages have well worn leather seats, like they’ve been used over and over again thousands of times by many many people. Such as, such as! You know like, totally!”

Some commuters however, are not too keen on the offer of a ride on one of Paris’ trains.

“I heard you can catch diseases in her train carriages. She’s had so many people riding in those things, you need to sit down on some double plastic sheeting. I don’t think I’ll risk it,” Meat Johnsons Jnr., an LA commuter told the LA Times newspaper.