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Why Does Donald Tusk Need Four Glasses of Water?

BRUSSELS - Belgium - Experts across Europe are trying to figure out why Donald Tusk has four meticulously filled and spaced glasses of water on his podium.


Political experts are trying to find the significance of outgoing EU President of the European Council, Donald Tusk having four immaculately distanced glasses of water on his podium whilst speaking at the College of Europe yesterday.

Analyst at the European Political Research Agency, Hernandez Tortilla, revealed some clues.

“The four glasses of water are distanced with precision, and the measuring in each glass is perfect. These glasses are clean, and sat next to a bottle of water. The key to this conundrum is which glass of water would Tusk choose to drink? Is this some sort of secret code? If he drinks the first glass to his left, it may mean order, if he however picks one of the middle glasses this could mean an undecided nature, if he drinks all glasses of water in quick succession, from left to right or from right to left, this would mean he’s fucking thirsty. These are some of the variables we are dealing with, and we have a team of thirty people analysing the glasses of water right now in our offices.”

As teams across Europe and the United Kingdom crunch this problem, Mr. Tusk  blabbers on inanely moaning about this, moaning about that, and saying some not very nice things about Blighty.

It’s a good thing he hasn’t taken his four glasses of water to a pub somewhere in Britain, or he might get a good traditional British glassing in the face.

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