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Another Fuel Crisis Don't PANIC It's All Going to be OK!

LONDON - England - There is no need to PANIC when the fuel pumps go dry at 90% of Britain's petrol stations, a government spokesman for Number10 said on Tuesday.

“You may not be able to get to work or a hospital in an emergency, or drive your kids to school and there will be shortages of food at the shops because the delivery drivers will not have enough fuel. Remember, please do not PANIC! Aaaargh! You must stay calm at all times! Aaargh! How are you going to pay the mortgage? Aaargh!” Rodney Bellmarsh, the Coalition’s Fuel Czar, told the BBC yesterday.

Meanwhile, during the fuel strike, Chancellor George Osborne, has suggested that fuel duty should rise to a stonking level of 97% of the fuel price paid at the pumps. Fuel tax is already the highest in the world and makes up 91% of the price of petrol.

“Just think that if they took out the fuel duty we would be paying 26p for our fuel and not the stonking amount we’re paying now. What I want to know is, where does the money go? They are making billions in taxation, and yet we do not see one ounce of the money, either on the roads or off the roads. The Coalition also want us to pay for toll roads now in addition to road tax, fuel duty, insurance and MOTs,” a disgruntled driver said today from a garage forecourt fuel queue in Basildon.

In the UK it currently costs £100 ($160) to fill up a modest car, and as Americans moan about having to fill their tanks for $25, it makes one think that there is something rather unjust about living in Rip-Off Britain.

“The reality of the situation is that everyone has to stop buying petrol for two weeks. This way, all fuel tax money will be stopped to the government and the cash cow motorist will stop being milked to death. Only then, will the message get through. There will be no lesson learned by the greedy, self-serving, arrogant twits who control everything unless people stop buying petrol for a whole two weeks,” another angry motorist explained.

See, there’s no need to PANIC, is there?

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1 COMMENT

  1. At least we have the free-at-point-of-delivery NHS healthcare to compensate, errrr, oh wait, that's being thrown out to the scavenging private sector as well (funny how when something helps people and costs the govt money, the tories want it out of govt responsibility, and when it's something that brings in wonga, they make it even more expensive).

    We could always riot. It's not as if we haven't already had a trial run.

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