New Plastic War Memorials For War Heroes

LONDON - England - After the spate of thefts and desecration of war memorials across Britain by scrap metal thieves, the government plans to replace the remaining metal memorials with plastic ones.

Across Britain, thousands of metal thieves have stolen copper, iron and lead memorial plaques and statues to melt down and sell to scrap yards for cash.

“These are mainly Eastern European gangs who were let in with the government’s open door immigration policy for the UK. They take any metals they can find then sell them off for cash,” councillor Graham Chubb, for Camden council told the Daily Mail newspaper.

The new plastic and rubber memorials will be produced cheaply and will be worth nothing to the thieves.

“I think we should have a few veterans standing by the memorials with a Lee-Enfield or Bren gun, shoot the buggers when they turn up in their vans,” Raymond Chandler, 87, a former paratrooper told the Sun.