Speaking from the Ministry of Energy, Mr Norman Hope, said: “This winter, the energy companies have increased their prices so high that you’ll need a second mortgage just to put on a bit of heat in your hovels. It’s not just you, the plebiscite, who are in trouble though, we’ve had to also switch off the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a sad business but when there’s no light at the tunnel, it’s going to get bloomin’ dark.”
Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, was however, defiant about his Plan A strategy of increasing taxation and reducing wages:
“The Coalition government never needed a light at the end of a tunnel. We’ve always been flailing around in the dark anyway, and we shall continue to do so for a very long time.”
As ordinary Britons freeze in their grey squalid back to back homes, the energy companies wallow in the huge surplus cash they have amassed by increasing prices to impossible heights on the premise of ‘green energy’ and greed.