Chancellor: "If You Don't Want to Pay Extra Pension Contributions Die Earlier"

LONDON - England - The government has come under increasing fire for asking public sector workers to pay more for their pensions, and have outlined an alternative to paying more -- death.

“If you can’t afford to pay an extra £3000 from your gold-plated £120,000 salary as a useless cog in the red-taped bureaucratic waste bin of government, then simply die earlier. It’s really quite easy,” Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne told the BBC.

Public sector workers are now being frogmarched into union offices and ordered to strike.

The Treasury, however, is bringing in new guidelines that will guide public sector workers who are so well funded by the taxpayer, to stop taking so long to die.

“You’ve got two choices, pay extra money to keep your hugely generous pension or jump off a cliff. The choice is yours you ungrateful fuckers,” Mr Osborne announced.

An angry Newham Council Bread Bin Inspector, who makes £87,000 per annum for his three day a week flexi-time job, voiced his anger from his holiday villa in Tuscany: “This is outrageous. Where am I going to holiday next year? I’d rather die than holiday anywhere else. Right, to arms comrades, we must strike these Tory bastards.”

Looks like there will be another effete protest in central London soon.