US Allows Heteros to Openly Serve in Navy

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama signed into law the repeal of the Navy's 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, thereby allowing straight people to openly serve in the Navy.

Fulfilling a campaign promise, Obama said the law will strengthen national security and uphold the ideals that the country’s sailing men and women risk their lives to defend.
“No longer will our country be denied the service of thousands of patriotic Americans who are forced to leave the Navy – regardless of their skills, no matter their bravery or their zeal, no matter their years of exemplary performance – because they happen to be straight,” Obama said.

In the Navy

The new law ended the 170-year-old ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, which forced straight Navy members to hide their sexual orientation or face dismissal.

“It was real hard because if you didn’t join in with the gay orgies on deck or aft, they would immediately know you were not a real sailor boy,” John Rimmer, an ex-Navy recruit told Fox News.

While officials did not announce any timetable for the revamp, the process will probably take months as the Navy has to formulate new service guidelines.

The guidelines will also cover a host of questions, from how to educate sailors on how to treat straight members of the team, and how the Navy’s tradition of steaming gay saunas and submarine orgies would have to be toned down.

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