Speaking from the White House’s Rose Garden, the president announced the oil find to whoops and cheers from the expectant press corps.
“I just heard we struck oil folks. We got more than we ever seen. It’s just gushing out of the ocean. This could be a massive well right there and I’m very excited for the economy. America uses 40% of the world’s oil resources, so the more oil we can get to run our billions of SUV’s and trucks the better huh.”
All across America there was a collective sigh of relief after the oil find was announced.
“We had to invade Iraq to get their oil and that’s nearly all gone, so now this new oil find has really made me happy. We got shitloads of oil in our own back yard and then some. Shucks, we have been saved I tells ya,” Ed Sasquatch, a resident of Detroit told CNN.