“Gordo sat in the corner throughout the birthday party and was seen grumbling as he stuffed a whole slice of cake into his mouth. In true Brown style he then refused to leave the party after everyone had left and the 10 year-old girl was very upset. It seems Gordon just does not know when to leave eh,” a reporter for the Times reported yesterday.
Despite the children in the party throwing food at Gordon and taunting him with calls for him to leave, he was said to stand his ground and dig deep into the corner of the room, much like a rat that had been cornered. The rest of the kids eventually left after much boredom and Gordon continued to stalk the room whilst the 10-year-old girl wept over her presents and her parents sat on the sofa glaring at Gordon lurched in the corner staring into space.
The impromptu hostage situation carried on for another 18 hours until one of Brown’s most trusted aides decided that enough was enough and went into the house to extract the PM.
“They had to pull him out of the house whilst literally scraping the floor and walls with his fingernails. Oh my lord, the screams and moans were utterly awful. It was a terrible sight to behold. And then we realised we forgot his medication pills under the table so one of us had to go and retrieve them. It took all four of us and six policemen three hours to remove Mr Brown from the little girl’s house into the waiting special bus,” Arthur Jenkins, the Number 10 press secretary told a group of reporters camped outside the house.
What was meant to be a PR stunt set up to increase the PM’s election prospects, instead revealed his greatest weakness — his inability to leave and admit defeat after massive losses and public disgrace.
“This was nothing but a storm in a teacup. Just some childish silliness,” Mr Brown said after the incident.
Last week, Mr Brown refused to leave a factory in Burnley and the week before that Mr Brown refused to leave the downstairs bathroom in Number10 Downing Street, eventually Mrs Brown persuaded him to leave only after telling him he could have some more of those special pills that make everything go away.