Unelected PM Brown Coked Up to the Eyeball

LONDON - England - Unelected prime minister Gordon Brown has denied that he is coked up to his eyeball on cocaine and other drugs.

“Gordo gets about two and a half hours sleep a night. He’s a paranoid wreck and breaks out in cold sweats every few minutes grinding his teeth manically. It’s quite distressing for the staff because one minute he’s throwing a fax machine through a window and the next he’s rushing off to the toilets. We don’t know if he’s coming or going, in fact we don’t think he knows either,” a senior Number10 aide told Britain’s state broadcasting station, the BBC yesterday.

Although the PM has flatly denied that he is ‘coked up to the eyeball’ he has been seen numerous times with a white powder-like substance on his nose.

There has also been cause for concern about the ailing PM’s erratic behaviour.

“He’s got a nervous twitch, something he does with his mouth, like an ‘o’ shape. His aides tell me they are very concerned about his eyeball as well because of his one eye, if he overdoses he might lose the sight in the other eye as well. He’s already bumping into things anyway and has to read documents about 5cm away from his face. It can take hours for him to read one page. Surely this guy can’t run a country effectively like that? I knew that of course before i jumped ship. No wonder he’s f*cked everything up. Gordo could f*ck up a cup of coffee anyway, but run a country? No way!” Tony Blair, the ex British PM told a group of delegates who paid $14,000 each to see him speak for two hours in Arizona.

Maybe it is time that Gordon Brown has an Intervention to curtail his drug taking and reckless coke binges which are threatening to derail his disastrous premiership.