Brown Welcomes New Assisted Suicide Ruling

LONDON - England - Ailing unelected PM Gordon Brown showed his relief today after the High Court relaxed its rules on prosecuting those who assist in suicides.

“I can finally be put out of my misery,” the glum prime minister told a commons meeting at lunchtime.

There is a big queue of cabinet ministers and ex-cabinet members who are vying for the coveted role of assisting Gordon in escaping the morose moribund state of being himself.

“We’ve got thousands of people applying for the job to snuff out Gordo. He wants to go out quick, maybe with a revolver or an axe, but he has asked to not make it too messy,” a Number10 aide told the BBC.

Mr Brown is known to the British people as the most detested and vilified prime minister in the history of politics.

The prime minister’s assistant told a BBC news crew today: “We’d televise it if we could but it’s going to be done in one of the backrooms in 10 Downing Street and behind locked doors. Gordon has been begging to be put out of his misery once and for all and will do anything to escape the hell that he has created in Britain today and of living with the memory of being himself.”

Some commentators have however questioned the prime minister’s plans for assisted suicide: “We understand this is the most humane way of putting Gordo out of his misery, but we think he deserves to stick around in the Britain he’s created a little while longer to suffer along with all the millions of other Britons who have to live here. Why does he get a ticket out of here? Let the bugger serve his term.”