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Northern Wreck Needs More Taxpayers Money After Massive Losses

NEWCASTLE - England - After making a loss of £724 million pounds of taxpayers money, the nationalised bank is in dire need of more taxpayer funds to shore up it's failing structure.

“We’ve just lost £724 million pounds of your money, but thanks to Gordon Brown and his lackey, Alistair Darling we are sure to get more of your cash so we can give out more 125% mortgages to people who cannot pay us back. It’s a rather good business model don’t you think? This way, I get paid my huge salary and bonus, the desperate get their 125% mortgages and the chumps like you, the taxpayer get to pay for it all. Don’t forget to vote Labour again,” Chief executive of the failing Wreck of the North, Gary Hoffman told the Daily Squib.

Brown’s reverse Midas touch strikes again

Thanks to Labour’s forward thinking during the banking crisis created by their policies in the first place, the taxpayer has taken a huge hit for something they never asked for or had any say in.

In addition, the bank has also lost £1.2bn of retail deposits, with savings levels falling in the six months due to “no one in their right minds putting money into something that Gordon Brown and his cronies are overseeing”.

“You’d have to be f*cking insane to put any savings into Northern Wreck, are you mad? It’s going down so far into the abyss and financial quagmire created by New Labour that we’d be lucky to see the Wreck around in a few months. It’s bye bye time for sure. Just get anything you have in there out. Sharpish.” an OAP from Newcastle’s Fenham area told our reporter.

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