Officials for Obama’s city makeover team were in a jubilant mood today because they have one of their first jobs coming up — the city of Detroit.
“We’re going to do the Obama makeover for this city right here. OK, now look in that direction over there. What do you see? Yep, that’s right, shacks, burnt out buildings, burnt out cars and rows of empty homes with repo signs outside. Well, after we do the Obama makeover this shit ain’t going to be here anymore. OK boys bring out the dozers!” Ed Hurlahee, senior Obama City Makeover Tzar announces on Fox News.
The plan is to bulldoze all of Detroit’s 143 square miles leaving only one building standing — the GM building.
Once the bulldozers have completed their job, the rubble will be crushed and in some cases dynamited into little pieces.
“We needed expert advice on bulldozing whole cities, so who better to ask then the Israelis. We’ve flown over a contingent of Israeli experts because they’re so efficient in bulldozing and erasing whole Palestinian cities and towns,” Mr Hurlahee added.
The team of bulldozers, which number over 20,000, will bulldoze and dynamite their way through the whole city in less than half an hour.
“There may be a few people left in Detroit but we will give them ample time to leave,” he said.
According to Obama’s appointed city planners, if you stand on the General Motors’ Renaissance Center tower in the middle of Detroit and look out for ten miles in each direction, all you will see is crushed rubble.
“It will be a vast improvement to what is here in Detroit at the moment,” say officials.