Windsors to Invade Normandy D-Day Beach

WINDSOR - England - The British Royal family are preparing for a beach assault on the beaches of Normandy, a senior palace spokesman has announced.

Sources say the entire British Royal family have been preparing for the invasion of Normandy for two weeks now and will complete their mission some time in June, although the exact date is yet to be announced.

“I got a call from Lizzie a few weeks ago, she said the midget frog bastard Sarky had snubbed her for the D-Day commemoration and that Scottish one-eyed bad-luck-merchant, who has already ruined the country enough, was going to take her place as ambassador for good ol’ Blighty. Well, she was positively fuming and ordered me to get the Royal landing craft ready. Prince Harry and William will be attacking from the air and have both borrowed some top notch aircraft from the RAF. Andrew’s going to be there too as well as Charlie boy. That French surrender monkey, Sarkozy is going to get a bloody nose over this if it’s the last thing we damn well do. We’re even going to send in a few Gurkhas to give Brown a deserved thrashing,” Colonel Saunders of the Third Regiment Light Brigade Division told the Sun newspaper.

The plan is to land on Utah beach, march up to the podium where that slimy little French man, Sarkozy, will be showing off to the Yanks and give him a bloody nose. According to palace rumours, the Queen has even requested that Sarkozy is hung up by his testicles but everyone will have to wait and see what happens.

“Once Sarkozy has been strung up, the Queen will either set Prince Harry or Princess Anne onto him. He better wish it’s the former because Anne is known for her venomous bite and her hissing, it has been said, she can make her victims run away in abject terror just from the very sound,” Colonel Saunders added.