Jeremy Clarkson to be Sainted, Knighted and Given Nobel Peace Prize

LONDON - England - Buckingham Palace has confirmed that Jeremy Clarkson is to be Sainted, Knighted and given the Nobel Peace Prize all at the same time.

The triple ceremony will be held at Buckingham palace and will be televised on the Dave channel as well as Men & Motors.

Dignitaries from Stockholm who will present the Nobel Peace Prize to Mr Clarkson, are to fly into Heathrow this afternoon weather permitting.

The Archbishop of Canterbury will also be on hand to give Mr Clarkson a sainthood.

There is even talk of receiving an O.B.E and M.B.E as well as a complimentary peerage at the House of Lords but this issue is still being discussed.

A spokesman from Top Gear told the Daily Squib how the team have been dealing with the honour: “Jeremy himself is actually very calm about receiving three major awards at the same time. He’s taking it all in his stride. He says it’s like the same feeling he gets when he is test driving a Ferrari 599 and is stopped dead in his tracks by a young blonde with huge airbags who needs an oil change in the back of the motor. Not much room back there but you get the gist of it. It’s like a triple whammy for him.”

Mr Clarkson will be honoured with the triple whammy prize after a comment he made about ailing PM Gordon Brown was reporte
d on an Australian Motor program.

“By calling Gordon Brown a ‘one-eyed Scottish idiot’ Jeremy Clarkson has definitely gone up in one’s estimation. One used to think of Jeremy as a loudmouthed twat throwback with no redeeming qualities whatsover. Now one thinks of him as just a loudmouth twat. It will be an honour to Knight Mr Clarkson. One shall strive to watch more Top Gear from now on,” The Queen said from Sandringham.