“We used to think that humans evolved from apes as a final evolutionary movement, but extensive research over a period of forty years has come to the groundbreaking conclusion that humans are actually reverting into apes in a sort of reverse cycle over thousands of years,” Professor Alan Greenweild, told a group of scientists at the 2012 Geneva Science Symposium on Friday.
Over millions of years there were many hominid designations such as Homo ergaster, Homo georgicus, Homo heidelbergensis, Homo pekinensis and the Neanderthal. Eventually Homo sapiens prevailed and we now have so-called ‘modern humans’.
The forty year study collated data from all gene pools and countries in the world.
“What we found is that humans are slowly reverting back to their original state, maybe in the next thousand years or even earlier than that, humans will be living in the trees again and eating berries. There may still be types who are bipeds but they will mostly revert back to being quadrupeds and their brain power will be approximately 43% of modern humans now. Once humans have reverted linguistically to communicate by grunting, then the cycle of evolution will have come full circle and be complete,” Professor Greenweild said.
There are clues to the incredible claims in modern man today, and Manchester United footballer, Wayne Rooney is a key example of how some humans are reverting to apes faster than others.
“We studied Wayne Rooney and were astounded at how quickly he is reverting back to the original ape state. He resembles the Homo heidelbergensis genus or Neanderthal, and he also communicates with short grunts. Unfortunately for humanity, this is where we are headed. Look at Rooney and you will see yourself in a thousand odd years,” the professor added.
World governments have taken note at the new research findings and have made contingency plans to avert humans becoming apes again.
“We got America’s Joe Biden and Russia’s Vladimir Putin on the job. Those two guys are tasked with the job of stopping humans reverting back to apes. Looks like we’re all fucked,” a distraught American citizen told CNN.