2020 was the weirdest year ever. Not only did an unprecedented virus rage across the planet, but we saw an Oompa-Loompa lose the US election, the Pentagon declare that aliens are now among us and just… the Tiger King.
Yet just when you thought you were safe from the madness, along comes 2021 with even crazier behaviour – you ain’t seen nothing yet. Here are five things that are happening as we speak that definitely aren’t conspiracy theories.
A huge 5G cell tower is melting all the icecaps
Big tech is everywhere, man, even the North Pole. Think about it: they can’t build those gigantic 5G towers in a populated area because it’ll give the game away, so how about a place where nobody goes?
The problem is, all of that radiation blasting out has consequences. First, radioactive polar bears – as if the natural kind aren’t scary enough, imagine a super-sized glowing mutant bear chasing you. Next, simple science tells us that all that heat is going to melt the ice away at a rapid rate.
So, next time some scientific expert who’s spent most of their adult life studying the subject tells you that ‘climate change’ is causing sea levels to rise, just shake your head and say ‘nope…it’s 5G. I read some article on the internet’.
Maths isn’t real
All those hours sat through Maths class…for what? Since when does ‘y’ equal anything anyway? TikToker Gracie Ham went viral recently for asking if maths is even real, and it’s not like anyone has come up with an answer.
The question has opened up a debate between philosophers and mathematicians, with many of them saying several mathematical concepts depend on the society they were created in; that is, if humanity had taken a different course, would things like algebra even exist?
How about taking things a step further…who’s to say that three apples plus two apples is five apples? Are apples even real? If we believe John Lennon, then nothing is real, including maths.
People who can ‘see into the future’ are running the world
Ever wondered how the super-rich got their money? Forget hard work, luck or a big inheritance…most of them earned their fortunes with a mystic ability to see into the future.
Bill Gates saw a future filled with computers in his crystal ball back in the 70s, Jeff Bezos had a premonition of the Covid pandemic causing mass online shopping when he was a teenager…the list goes on. Ever wondered how Elon Musk got the money to start up Tesla?
He simply wrote down the winning lottery numbers that had come to him in a dream.
Everyone knows that seeing into the future is the surest way to riches, which is why all fortune-tellers are billionaires.
This theory will gain credence in 2021 as more people become ‘Crypto millionaires’ than ever before. Think their success is down to logic and skill? Nope. They’re just clairvoyants.
Covid masks contain mini CCTV cameras
Technology is pretty sophisticated these days. Not only can we use the latest gadgets to play games on our watches, charge devices wirelessly and stream movies in seconds, but we can also fit really small things into really small spaces.
Consider the face mask. Once the domain of bank robbers and surgeons only, we’re now told we have to wear one to stop a deadly virus in its tracks? Sounds convenient – a little too convenient.
Maybe masks are a way to spy on us. Just slit open each mask’s fabric and slide the latest technology in there – not time-consuming or expensive at all. Next up will be recording equipment in boxer shorts, and hats with antennas built into them. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
Joe Biden is the ‘fifth Beatle’
Let’s look at the facts here. Joe Biden was born in 1942: so was Paul McCartney. Joe Biden has Irish heritage: so does Paul McCartney (and John Lennon). Joe Biden was in the States in the 1960s: so were the Beatles as part of the famous British Invasion.
If all that isn’t enough, take a look at old Beatles photos. There’s normally a fifth guy hanging around, right? Well, that guy happens to be a young Joe, providing backing vocals and clapping his hands in time to classics such as Love Me Do and I Wanna Hold Your Hand.
Joe eventually got tired of screaming fans, touring the world and earning a ton of money for playing music, so he chose a career in politics instead. He’s never forgotten his Beatles roots though – just take a look at his recent inauguration ceremony: one of the songs? Beatles classic Here Comes The Sun, lovingly performed by Jon Bon Jovi.