Brown skinned Hobbits have been carted out of the Shire, Bilbo Baggins announced yesterday. According to reports, the brown ones will be relegated to the vicinity of the Orcs and the other shisters that hang around with Sauron in Mordor.
“This is the land of the rings where our racial purity is preserved and the humans that watch us on their screens can find comfort in the fact that there is at least one safe haven left from the ‘darkies’. The human landscapes in the West have all but been compromised and ‘whitey’ can only find solace in fantasy. We know as a fact that race determines behaviour, and that’s why the nasty dark ones are to be relegated back to the darkness from whence they came,” one of the Hobbit council of elders, Jimbo Muggins told a Hobbit equality hearing.
The land of Middle-earth is a racially pure land where the ‘whitey’ elves and Hobbits stay in one corner and the evil ‘darkies’ come from the mud and are portrayed as nasty Trolls and Orcs.
Champion of Hobbit civil liberties and equality, Harriet Harpie said: “Why do all the darkies have to be lumped in as the baddies? Surely there must be some good darkies too? That’s why I propose we try and integrate the brown hobbits in soulless ghettos at the periphery of our Shire. At least we would have someone to do our dirty work like cleaning and emptying the shit buckets in the river.”