Max Clifford to Represent University Challenge Genius Trimble

LONDON - England - PR Supremo, Max Clifford is set to turn his public relations skills onto University Challenge brainbox, Gail Trimble, who has been vilified across Britain for being "too clever for her own good".


Just a few years ago if you won Mastermind on television you would be considered a prime case for media fame and fortune but not anymore it seems. The British public are so dumbed down now that they can only relate to vacuous inept ignorant morons with no talent, culture or class. It is a symptom of base, vulgar and crass shows like X-Factor, Big Brother and Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, that has precipitated the disgraceful slide in any form of intelligence left within the British Isles. 

“Licence to be stupid”

“To be stupid and moronic with an IQ of about 20 is now a British institution and applauded all over the media,” a TV executive for ITV1 told the Daily Squib.

After the recent win by Oxford graduate, Gail Trimble of University Challenge, she couldn’t open a Tesco superstore in Dagenham let alone sell her wedding rights for £3 million. That is until Maxwell Clifford walked into Gail’s brain and a big bulb flashed so bright that it even outshone the glare coming from Jeremy Paxman’s horse smile.

Clifford is set on getting Gail Trimble into the tabloid media’s bawdy perfidious stare and he has vowed to change her image from an intelligent brainbox to what is now the only acceptable marketable image in the UK for a female celebrity — that of a knuckle-dragging chav ignorant ‘ladette’ with no talent whatsoever.

“Once Max gets his grubby rotten amoral hyena claws into this new girl she’ll be singing like a parrot on Gazza’s shoulder. Gail’s going to be coached on how to get her baps out for the red-top papers and how to make outrageous ignorant pig-shit, brain-fart comments that will have everyone loving her in no time. The only thing is, she will need to contract a terminal disease soon after so that Max can exploit that to the full as well. I’m sure living the unhealthy chav lifestyle she will be forced into for fame and fortune will soon bring on something awful soon enough,” Jane Tamarind, a News of the World columnist divulged.


By commending the likes of Jade Goody and other reality show ‘stars’ the media is simply promoting the fact that to be stupid and ignorant is a good trait and should be applauded. Clifford knows of this base theorem very well and has exploited its capacity to the full.

“Max is simply thinking of the future. What’s he going to do once his Golden Goose is dead? He needs new talent and he is up for the challenge by representing someone who is not as thick and pig ignorant as his previous protege. Apparently Max has even been spotted walking round with a dictionary so he can prepare himself for the big words which will be uttered from Ms Trimble’s well educated mouth. Max is himself an ignorant cockney moron with little or no education so he will have to be on top form to even have a conversation with this Trimble woman. Soon he’ll have her tossing her extensive vocabulary and knowledge away and implanting vulgar crass words and mannerisms so that she can be a media darling like her heroine Jade Goody. You won’t be able to open a newspaper or trash magazine without seeing her face beaming from it,” Heather Scargill, a member of Max Clifford’s PR agency is quoted as saying in the Sun.

It is a sad detriment to our society that we have come to this level of repugnance exercised by the media where garish miasmal banality is celebrated and intelligent prehensility of the mind is vilified and discarded.