17.7 C
Thursday, May 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessIncreasing Number of Women Insist on Credit Checks This Valentine's

Increasing Number of Women Insist on Credit Checks This Valentine’s

LONDON - England - Who says romance is dead? This Valentine's day many women are making sure men have the ability to pay before they even make an informed decision on whether to speak to a man.


As if it wasn’t hard enough for men already, a new national survey has revealed that millions of women are getting credit reports on prospective partners.

Mavis Longleat, a dating consultant is not surprised in the least.

“The main focus is on how much cash the man is capable of spending on you before you let him into the pearly palace. Especially on Valentine’s Day, a man has to prove that he has the right credit. If he doesn’t splash the cash, dinners, shopping and gifts, move on to the next one. It costs a man about £200 to get a woman into bed, but you can milk that for longer by leading the poor bastard along even further. ”

What’s on the top of the list this Valentine’s Day? The survey revealed that credit card gifts from men with high spending limits was desired most. A single rose or a poem, maybe a tentative kiss was nowhere to be seen.

Valentine’s Credit

1) Barclays Premier Card with money back points will put a big smile on her face, especially when she walks into the hand bag shop

2) HSBC credit card, comes with air miles for more long distance shopping trips

3) Egg credit card, a bit like the egg on a man’s face when he sees the f*cking bill after being dumped because the credit limit was hit

4) Tesco credit card, the lucky lady will get points every time she uses it but the man gets no points, he might get a shag after the third or fourth date, only after she’s cleaned out his account completely

5) American Express, for that special Valentine’s experience. Give one of these to a girl and you’ll be in like Flynn

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


  1. My dad once said to me a highwayman demands your money or your life, women require both. nuff said

  2. utter crap article women want more than a man’s money. This so-called survey puts women in and men in a shameful light.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »