Willy Walsh Introduces Sharia Law onto British Airways

"You will all attend the public stoning in aisle 34d"

LONDON – England – British Airways flight attendants were up in arms yesterday after it was revealed that the head of BA wants to introduce Sharia Law on every flight.

“Each flight will have a cleric (BA accountant) making sure that all British Airways rules are adhered to at all times by the staff. There will not be anymore long-haul orgies in 5 star hotels, wild parties and large payouts for pushing trollies along an aisle. We mean business now. We will have whippings and stonings, and we don’t mean the kinky kind either” Mr Walsh said.

The Unite union were furious at the news that BA want to introduce Sharia Law into their flight rosters.

“It’s bad enough that flight attendants only get £75,000 per annum to push a trolley down an aisle and shout ‘tea or coffee’, now the useless Walsh has decided that our union members should be under Sharia Law. All BA management are doing is cutting off their nose to spite their face.union boss, Derek Simpson spluttered, whilst attending a Labour party fund raising conference in Brighton.

Flights were said to resume yesterday after the new directives were implemented at the weekend. The bad news is that British Airways has banned all alcohol on flights, the good news is that flight attendants and passengers can still get stoned.