Halifax Lloyds: No Need to Panic But Start Queueing For Your Money Now

There is no need to panic. Your money is perfectly safe with us.

LONDON – England – There’s no need to PANIC but you better think about the situation here. HBOS? Lloyds TSB? You’re not guaranteed your money back. Is this Northern Rock all over again?

Thanks to Gordon Brown’s ‘prudent’ handling of the economy we seem to be in the same situation as the Northern Rock debacle of last summer.

The British love queues and of course this time around there may be calls for even larger queues than last time.

“We estimate the queues around Halifax branches across the UK to be a lot bigger than the Northern Rock ones. As for Lloyds TSB queues, well, if people start queuing to take their money out of those, there may be no end to the queue lengths there — yes, we are talking literally about miles and miles of queues,” a banking expert revealed to the Daily Squib.

Paul Moore, the former head of risk at HBOS, has proof that Gordon Brown was complicit in the destruction of the banking sector.

“Gordon is out to nationalise (Sovietize) the banking sector to rid it of capitalism. To do this he will trash many peoples savings, taxpayers money as well as shareholders. Then the state can take complete control of the whole system once and for all and destroy any pretensions of a free market. Either that or Gordon’s a complete idiot with no idea of what he’s doing and is acting like a gambler who is betting the family silver on one last ditch chance,” a Whitehall source told BBC news.

Distraught savers try to take their money out of failing High Street banking institutions


There is no need to panic though. Do not rush to get your money out of these failing and crumbling institutions even though HBOS was probably worth about 10 pence when Lloyds was forced by the government to buy it for a much larger sum.

“Everything is ok dearest savers. Rest assured your money is safe with us. Do not panic and ask for your money though,” a sweating Lloyds director was quoted as saying to shareholders and savers at an impromptu press conference in central London today.

  • robert curran

    I got my money out pronto in August. They cannot guarantee your money anymore so I just took all my savings out in excess of 100k. After the Norther Rock fiasco and Icelandic banks you would be stupid to keep your money in lloyds or Halifax. Vamoose! Try a building society or gold…

  • Darren, Shoreditch

    yould have to be insane to keep your money in any of these

    the sheep will only realise when it’s too late hahah

  • G-man

    Pump and dump
    Dump and pump
    whatever……….