17.7 C
Saturday, June 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldAnal Bead Chess Champion Wins Another Match

Anal Bead Chess Champion Wins Another Match

GENEVA - Switzerland - Mike Gutters has been crowned as world anal bead chess champion at this year's tournament.

Twitching and sweating profusely like a Catholic priest at a choir boy convention, celebrated anal bead chess champion Mike Gutters finished off his opponent with a swift check mate move that had the crowd gasping in surprise.

“How did he do that move? I mean, that is a Kasparov x 200 move from nowhere. He sacrificed his Queen for that killer move. Wow! It’s as if he is some kind of computer,” a man in the crowd revealed.

Mike Gutters has now been crowned the anal bead chess champion and holds an unbeaten record against some of the best players in the world.

Speaking after the arduous tournament, Gutters continued twitching and contorting his face in pain whilst loud muffled buzzing sounds were heard coming from somewhere.

“I have been accused of using anal beads to win chess matches by having someone transmit bluetooth signals that vibrate the next move in the game. This is utter <bzzzzzzzzt> nonsense. Ouch. I cannot think of anything more ridiculous. <bzzzzrt!>”

The chess champion then stood up abruptly from his chair, and awkwardly walked towards the door with his legs wide apart, at one point emitting a loud buzzing sound which then triggered a massive muffled fart.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


  1. I think they sort of bleep in your hole with a code like AC to DC , not sure , back in the 80’s they used hamsters .

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »