It’s Now Illegal to Have a Tan in Arizona

ARIZONA - USA - Anyone with a tan or brown skin is quaking in fear today after state legislators made it illegal to be brown yesterday.

The queue to exit the state of Arizona is long, as many who have brown skin scramble to leave the state or be arrested.

“I fear for my safety. I regularly visit a tanning salon but I’ve been caught up in this mess. I’m not even a Mexican or other form of untermenschen, but may be lumped in with that lot simply because of my temporary skin colour,” Louise Hamberdinger, 27, from Phoenix told CBS news.

Another resident who was caught up in the new directive is Samuel Johnson, 45, who recently got back from Hawaii: “I gots me a dark tan and when I got to the airport they said I should go back because I looked like a wetback. Shit, I been called a lot of things in the past but that got my goat, so I pulled out my johnson and showed them it was white as the goddamn White House. They let me through customs then for sure.”

One of the law’s sponsors, Republican Rep. John Kavanagh, was unrepentant about the effect the new law has had on the state’s residents: “They’re leaving in great numbers. This is a very effective strategy, hell, the Germans used the same kind of law in 1939, why not now too?”